As I wait...

A prayer journal entry of mine reads:

dear God. all I can think of right now is the question why. why did you choose to take away this relationship? didn't we choose to put You first? didn't we strive for purity? didn't we take it slow? didn't we stick to group activities? didn't we stay away from being exclusive? didn't we strive to do what was right and honour You completely and live to fully glorify You? didn't we thank You? what did we do wrong? nothing could have been more special. I'm not saying it was perfect - we both had a lot to learn and mistakes to make but we were learning and trying and praying and hoping and liking and living...what tripped it up?? I guess it just comes down to the fact that I am at such a loss of understanding and I cannot to save my life figure this one out. ok. I'm lost, God. And I have a million questions. I want to know WHY and I know the answer - TRUST YOU and I do. but I hurt. what could orchestrate this event of his not wanting me anymore - wanting instead to be rid of me. i hurt. so much. more than anything. help me out. guide him. guide me. Your will be done in Jesus' name, amen.

This is the background from which I come at the often discussed - and loathed - issue of waiting on the one who will come along, sweep you off your feet, and whisk you away to a beautiful happily ever after palace of dreams, loving you forever no matter what. Questions and hurt and frustrations. The waiting process is analyzed by almost everyone and anyone you ask has their own theory of the perfect way to 'find what you want' while you're "waiting". So, I have decided to add my own personal input and suggest the most important steps to "waiting" - which may not actually be waiting after all...

1. Plant. Learn to be yourself. Don't change just because the person you like prefers blonde hair to brown. As I wait, I realize more every day that I need to have confidence in being fully myself, exactly the way God created (planted) me as - with my quirks and oddities and annoying little habits. Because (1) God created me specifically for a purpose that can only be fulfilled when I am me. Because who I am fits that purpose uniquely and as no other person on this earth can. Because God created me with a plan in mind and a little piece of His big overall purpose to fulfill. And (2) I believe that He has created me for someone who He has created to fit me exactly - like puzzle pieces, strengths filling in for the other's weaknesses, complimenting perfectly - someone who will love and appreciate and even (shock!) find my oddities attractive or appealing.
2. Grow. Even as we are supposed to embrace confidently who God created us to be, we are still all tainted with sin and need to mature and grow and learn as Christians. Become who God is creating you to be and allow Him to build character through tough situations. (James 1:2-4) I know that I need to focus on becoming the woman of God that the kind of man of God that I desire would desire and need. I don't want him sitting out there lazily just waiting for me to come along - I want him to be learning and growing and seeking to know God more intimately and passionately each day, therefore so should I. Also, marriage obviously isn't and shouldn't be the end all in life - but instead another growth step along life's course that edifies our personal relationship with the Lord - especially by expressing and reflecting His love here on earth. We are always in a constant state of growing.
3. Bear fruit. We are planted & watered in order to bear fruit in our lives for the kingdom of God. A life that exhibits fruit is a life that is rooted in Christ. Fruit is the evidence that we have a vital, growing relationship with God and as I "wait" I know that I should strive to embody the fruits of the Spirit in my life. I believe this is expressed in servanthood. As I try to learn more each day about the fathomless depths of what it means to serve - and therefore truly love - others, I begin to be wholly honest with others about who I am (planting), character is built as I learn endurance in what it means to serve humbly (growing), and the fruit of the Spirit are more and more clearly demonstrated as I learn to serve lovingly, joyfully, peacefully, patiently, kindly, with goodness, faithfully, gently and with self control (bearing fruit).

So, in essence, we are not waiting, but living! Right now at this moment in time God has given me the amazing gift of singleness - the freedom to follow Him unhindered and completely. But then, God may choose to take away this gift and replace it with my heart's desire of a love that lasts a lifetime and takes my breath away. One is not any better than the other. The point is not in being single or married but in living life as an offering of worship to God "whatever the circumstances." Waiting for that precious expression of God's love to come in to my life is good, but if my life was one big waiting room I am afraid I would miss out on all God wants to do in and through me. I would fall short of His glorious purposes and would be sorely disappointed when, finally achieving "wedded-bliss," I would discover that I had merely married another human being who wasn't the perfect fulfillment of an end goal. And that I still had the rest of my life to live. This brings an interesting twist to the words of this worship song:

As I wait, You make me strong. As I long, draw me to Your arms. As I stand and sing Your praise, won't You come, won't You come and fill this place...