Here I Am

here I am
weak, selfish, naïve. unjust. unrighteous.
here I am
striving to bring you sacrifices and worship that is pleasing
failing utterly as I live in the idolatry of this culture
neglecting those who are in need
hungry, thirsty, in prison, naked, sick, alone
even as I try to make a difference in some small way
still my motives are tainted
still I hope my ‘good deeds’ are seen by others
still I focus on myself
here I am
utterly broken
utterly shameful
utterly useless
you would not be pleased with sacrifices or I would bring them
if I brought you many offerings you would not accept them
the sacrifice you want is a broken spirit
a broken and repentant heart you promise not to despise
so here I am
what do I do now?
you demand compassion
love for you, love for others
every day, every moment you throw opportunities in my path
here I am
teach me to recognize
teach me to do more than recognize
teach me to reach out
to actively seek out ways to serve you, to love you
to bring glory and honour to your holy name
but here I am
desiring a spirit of willingness
but my body is so weak
I cannot
my own effort?
my own ability?
my own understanding?
I cannot
yet here I am
you have placed me here, here on this stage, here at redeemer
you knit me together and you uphold me every moment
every hair, every blood cell
who I am and who I long to be
dreams & desires, hopes & plans
here I am
here is my broken and repentant heart
here is my life
here, take it, use it
transform me day by day - by your grace, your glory
so that I become a contagious example in word, in deed, in life
I, by your grace, a living sacrifice
here I am
in this moment I commit to make the most of every opportunity
to give my utmost for your highest
the 30 hour famine?
one more activity
one more opportunity in a long, varied line-up of ‘good causes’
show me how you can use me in this activity
in prayer
for the places in which world vision works
for you to reveal yourself
through the money given and work done in your name
in fasting
demonstrating my resolve to make a difference
laying aside my everyday routine for 30 hours
as a symbol, as a sacrifice
in asking
moving people I know to search their hearts
stirring them to ask how they can live as you have intended
providing them with a way to express their love for you
your people, your creation
here I am
I cannot fathom the rippling effects you have designed
to come from each small decision
You say: unless I am faithful in small matters
I won’t be faithful in large ones
I need your grace to be faithful
I offer all I am to your plan, your purpose, your will
here I am